Every year at this time I get a twinge of angst that I know I need to prepare for Easter during the next 40 days of Lent, coupled with a feeling or fear that I probably won’t end up feeling spiritually prepared when Easter Sunday arrives. I know this is projecting and if anything I’ve learned in recovery, it’s to take life one day at a time. It’s close to the same feeling I get during Advent preparing for Christmas…and then never feeling spiritually prepared for that day either. But at least Christmas distracts us with all of its social frivolity and the physical preparations of decorating, gift giving, dinners and parties, etc. Since Easter isn’t quite as commercialized, it’s a little easier to focus on the spiritual aspect…and likewise, to experience a greater feeling of falling short. I think this goes hand in hand with my tendency to complicate things in life.
Father Jim Yeakle, the pastor of my church, St. Jude’s in North East, MD, did a great job of setting me on a better track for Lent this year when he delivered his Ash Wednesday homily. One statement he made seemed to simplify the whole Lent preparation thing for me. He said, “consider Lent as a journey to get closer to Christ; and each year, each Lent, gives us a chance to walk another mile with Him.” I pondered that in making my Lenten promises…how could I go the extra mile this Lent? First I decided not to beat myself up so much if I fall short…I don’t have to run the whole marathon this Lent…and I’m already on the right path. (After all, I’ve been a fairly devout Christian my whole life, which is a good number of years…so I guess I can at least say I’ve already traveled several miles on this journey already). I just have to go a little further. Of course, I don’t want to get stuck but want to move forward so I can cast aside that angst this Easter and feel completely joyful in the resurrection.
So what to do for the next 40 days? First, I am reading the “Little Black Book,” the daily reader our church handed out for this year’s Lenten study. I plan to finish reading the Bible (which I started a few years back…I’m finally in the New Testament/Gospels, which is right where I need to be to observe Lent!) I am giving up all sugary foods and cutting back carbs and eating after dinner in addition to the traditional fasting/eating fish on Fridays. (this will be good for my health and help me to shed those few extra pounds put on during the holidays – and since my body is a temple, that is physical and spiritual maintenance!) I decided to do some spring cleaning (also much needed) to give away what I don’t need to the less fortunate. And when I feel tempted by sweets, or feel weary and don’t want to read/pray, or want to spend money on new stuff (that I really don’t need), I will try to turn to Jesus and try to walk a few steps with Him. Hopefully with the warmer weather of spring headed our way, this can be a literal walk, not just a figurative one…I love going on walks and really will walk that extra mile!
I want to try to picture myself actually being with Jesus…on these walks, at church, and in my world. Yesterday at Mass I even pictured being at the Last Supper during the celebration of the Eucharist and it really made me pay attention, and get more out of it. I felt closer to Him. And I realized once again that’s what Lent is all about. Getting to know God more. It might be getting to know Him more not only in church, but in my own house (like listening to my husband better) and in every day places (like being kinder to strangers in the grocery store or at work).
Even though it is two thousand some years after the time Jesus walked the earth, I can still have the benefit of being a disciple who can walk with the risen Christ, like they did on the road to Emmaus following the Resurrection: “They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them…they asked each other, ‘were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” (Luke 24: 13-35)
I pray we can all really walk with Jesus…to see, hear, feel and know Him…in our Lenten journey this year.
