Suffering is optional…

Some things are truly out of our control…like when someone you love is mad at you and gives you the silent treatment and refuses to speak with you and you have no idea how or why you made that person hurt or angry and/or know there’s nothing you can do to fix the situation…and yet you are hurt by the break in the relationship too. Life…and relationships…can often be painful. Sometimes you have a choice to just “let it go” which may mean letting that person go. Or perhaps you don’t want to do that…and you can choose to wait things out, pray, hope for discussion, forgiveness, healing. Either way, often it’s hard to just put the pain aside. But I believe the alternative – suffering – is also a choice, one in which I choose not to engage.

Sure that’s not easy either. But I think the enemy, Satan, wants us to suffer when we are in pain…to dwell on things, to wallow in our guilt, fears, hurt, and heartache. That way, we stay in a dark place and once we are there, we stay stuck and can’t see the light of hope or feel the warmth of love. Instead, I believe God wants us to choose faith, even when it’s hard and we’re in pain with doubts and worries.  I’ve heard it said in a program of recovery that “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” (I looked up the quote and it is attributed to author Haruki Murakami).

So how do we go through pain and not suffer? One is to choose to continue to find happiness, joy, fulfillment, peace and love in other people, places and things…not to avoid the source of pain but to at least temporarily compartmentalize it so we can still focus on being of service or being useful to others and seeking to do God’s Will.  Call a friend, read a book, get some exercise, pour yourself into the work that you are called to do (or at least the work that pays the bills), cook a meal for others…the list could go on.  And perhaps when you are not dwelling on the problem (and the pain), a solution may present itself. Or you will at least be distracted enough to not suffer…because I believe God wants us NOT to suffer.

I learned a lot about reading the Book of Job and writing the novel, The Faithful One, which is a modern-day re-imagining of it. I l learned that we ALL go through loss and pain…but that we need to hold onto the faith that God will bring us through it, and that He does have a plan for us that is good. In the New Testament, James tell us to “count it all joy, my brothers,  when you meet trials of various kinds,^ for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.^ And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” (James I, 1:2-6)

I believe the very best thing I can do when I am in pain and I don’t wish to suffer is to pray for acceptance…and pray the “Serenity Prayer” – “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”